I felt very helpless this morning, till the extent tt i really felt like crying. ok i noe i shed tears very often.. but u get wad i mean...



last nite after i told my dad tt im going JB the next day wif my cousin, he asked me to buy a tix to msia for him cos he's going in aug.
den this morning, he texted me ard 8am saying tt he's coming home from work, asked wad time m i going msia wif my cousin and tt he wanna tag along. but i only saw the msg when i woke up at 10am..

i didnt wan him to come along becos i'll feel v restricted, and there're tings my cousin and i cant do tgt if he's there, like shopping/ sing k. so i texted my cousin. if my bro were going tgt, i wouldnt mind. it's just weird to have him ard wif us.



in the morning i was helping him wif the booking of online tix for coach to msia. after being told tt the slots arent opened yet, he asked me to book air tix. but it was time for me to prepare to go out alrdy. so i went over to tell him tt i dun haf time to do it now and went back to my room to change. he came over and said thru the door tt he's going too. and when i opened my room's door, he's alrdy changed and prepared alrdy. wah i really dunno how to tell him u noe.. if he go, i'll not be happy. if i tell him dun go, i'll feel guilty.

in the end, i chose to lie. initially, i was hesitating outside his room, den suddenly there came an urge. i lied to him tt my cousin didnt bring passport to sch (cos im meeting her after sch today) and tt we were going bugis instead. and i got my way.



i felt relieved initially, but soon, guilt took over esp after vic asked me wad happened. though it sounds like a trivial issue abt going JB, it underlies a big problem. Im not comfortable wif his presence despite him being my dad. i wonder if it's becos im too used to his absence (cos he's working everyday) tt i dunno how to deal wif his presence. or maybe i need tink to normalize certain feeling.



at times like this, i hope u're still around to keep him accompanied.